I want to turn the “Fragment ed” poem into a flash.
I did turn it into a weird flash. It started out funny. I mean as a funny idea. But within 500 words I wrote myself into a corner of one ending that was a huge downer. It took on a life of its own and it was an important angle to write, so I didn’t ditch it. I didn’t end up incorporating the hopeful angle of the poem, because it felt like too many themes. And right now I’m not taking on ambitious projects. But I still want to write the other, more hopeful version. Where I come out whole again. The flash was meant to be speculative. I guess the obstacle is the fearless and searching inventory. It’s so specific. I want it to be something more general, but the fragmentation coming from a thorough systematic exercise seems to make logical sense. It can come from months of doing specific therapy, – but that’s also specific. And I’ve learned that people aren’t all that interested in psychological methods. I also don’t want to make it sound like doing the 4th step leads to fragmentation. I just think it makes short story logic. Kind of direct explanation. “I took a dictionary of faults” – it could be all the self help books. Trying to find my exact defects. I could name the issues instead – boundaries, attachment, trauma, ptsd, not allowing myself to be loved, not loving myself. I went through a list of characteristics and attitudes. I’m not opposed to lying – does that mean I’m dishonest? No. Lack of integrity? In some areas maybe. In some – I have a rigid integrity. I could do the self help book route.
The reason to turn this into flash is for sharing with my critique group. 1. I already have shared way too much of my life and “what is wrong with me” sounds like too much. 2. It’s a short story group, so bringing poetry doesn’t exactly fit. I can bring it in, but nobody specializes in poetry, and I don’t even care to make this a well crafted poem, cause that’s not what I write. I guess I care about the story more. And 1 was pretty important.
