{"id":90,"date":"2023-05-22T06:38:00","date_gmt":"2023-05-22T06:38:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/midlifeunraveling.org\/?p=90"},"modified":"2023-05-21T18:40:14","modified_gmt":"2023-05-21T18:40:14","slug":"so-youre-getting-divorced","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/midlifeunraveling.org\/index.php\/2023\/05\/22\/so-youre-getting-divorced\/","title":{"rendered":"So You\u2019re Getting Divorced"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>So you\u2019re getting divorced. Or separating from your life partner.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Welcome to your new life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Although I don&#8217;t know you, I can say that I know you\u2019re going through a difficult time.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s December 20th and someone asked me how my year was.&nbsp; It was the fifth and final year of my separation and divorce process.&nbsp; It was a rough year.&nbsp; But it was a really fruitful year.&nbsp; If you engage emotionally with what is happening, this may be a really good thing for you too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019ll share my biggest observations and insights and these are definitely things I wish I was able to know earlier.&nbsp; This may happen to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>A nice person who really loved you and took care of you and who knows that you sacrificed for them may develop into an unrecognizable personality during the process.&nbsp; Is it their lawyer influencing them?&nbsp; Is it their insecurity?&nbsp; It doesn\u2019t matter. Not being able to accept them as they are <em>now <\/em>will cost you.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>You might see a really ugly side of yourself.&nbsp; That side comes from your insecurity (and maybe your lawyer played on that).&nbsp; After all is done, try to accept that part.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Lawyers\u2026 well, that\u2019s pretty well known.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Divorce is not equal nor equitable nor fair.&nbsp; Having an expectation of fairness will cost you a lot.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>We all have a different definition of success in life and that would extend to what you need in order to feel like you didn\u2019t \u201close\u201d in the process.&nbsp; That will likely change as you go through the process.&nbsp; In the beginning I wanted fairness, I wanted all the sacrifices that I made in my 20 years in the relationship to be recognized.&nbsp; In the end, I just wanted to be left alone. I think winning is doing whatever work you need to do internally so you don\u2019t end up living with resentment toward the other person.&nbsp; It doesn\u2019t matter what they did.&nbsp; You don\u2019t have to forgive them.&nbsp; If you\u2019re lucky, you won&#8217;t have to see them, interact with them, see them twice a week to pick up kids, argue over every medical issue for the kids.&nbsp; But if you keep resenting them, it will poison your freedom.&nbsp; It will cost you.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>After all that, I actually know how much my freedom is worth.&nbsp; It\u2019s the difference between what I thought was fair to pay in the beginning and what I paid at the end.&nbsp; It was way more expensive than I would have thought, so I know&nbsp; I&#8217;m worth a lot \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And&nbsp; I&#8217;ll never forget it.&nbsp; My emotional freedom was very expensive.&nbsp; And I won&#8217;t give it away easily again.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>So you\u2019re getting divorced. Or separating from your life partner.\u00a0\u00a0 Welcome to your new life. Although I don&#8217;t know you, I can say that I know you\u2019re going through a difficult time.&nbsp;&nbsp; It\u2019s December 20th and someone asked me how my year was.&nbsp; It was the fifth and final year of my separation and divorce process.&nbsp; It was a rough [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[32],"tags":[3,10,15,21],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/midlifeunraveling.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/90"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/midlifeunraveling.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/midlifeunraveling.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/midlifeunraveling.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/midlifeunraveling.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=90"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/midlifeunraveling.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/90\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":91,"href":"https:\/\/midlifeunraveling.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/90\/revisions\/91"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/midlifeunraveling.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=90"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/midlifeunraveling.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=90"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/midlifeunraveling.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=90"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}